Avoidance
Avoidance is the adaptation that looks the most like "laziness" from the outside but is, inside, a rational response to a brain that processes rejection as a catastrophic event.
Common RSD-driven avoidance patterns include:
• Career avoidance: Not applying for positions they're qualified for. Not asking for promotions. Not presenting ideas in meetings. Not sharing creative work.
• Social avoidance: Canceling plans to avoid situations where they might say the wrong thing. Not initiating contact in case the other person doesn't respond. Not joining groups or communities.
• Relationship avoidance: Not pursuing romantic interest. Avoiding vulnerability in existing relationships. Preemptively ending relationships before the other person can leave.
Perfectionism as a Defense
When avoidance isn't possible, RSD often drives perfectionism. If the work is perfect, it can't be rejected. The logic is understandable; the outcome is unsustainable. Perfectionism driven by RSD produces work that is either never finished (the endless revision loop) or finished in frantic, last-minute bursts.
Masking and People-Pleasing
A particularly common pattern in women with late-diagnosed ADHD: extensive people-pleasing and emotional masking as a strategy for preventing rejection. Say yes to everything. Be agreeable. Never show strong preferences. Make everyone else's comfort a priority.
This masking requires enormous energy, often depletes faster than the person realizes, and eventually collapses — triggering a cycle of burnout and RSD episodes that can look, from the outside, like sudden personality change.
Key Stat: Dr. William Dodson reports that up to 99% of adults with ADHD experience rejection sensitivity as one of their most disabling symptoms — and that this symptom is among the last to be addressed in standard ADHD treatment protocols.
When to Suspect RSD (Not Just "Being Sensitive")
Consider RSD if you consistently experience:
• Emotional reactions to rejection that others (and you) perceive as disproportionate
• Physical symptoms accompanying emotional pain
• A pattern of avoidance that you can trace back to fear of rejection
• Hypervigilance about how others perceive you
• A lifetime of being told you are "too sensitive" or "too emotional"
• Reactions that resolve relatively quickly but feel unbearable in the moment
• Difficulty identifying the pattern as RSD because the pain feels entirely justified in the moment
RSD is less likely if:
• The emotional states are chronic and don't resolve without specific triggers ending
• The emotional reactivity isn't tied to rejection-related triggers
• Relationships involve chronic instability rather than episodic reactions to specific events
If you have ADHD and the symptom list above resonates, an RSD-aware clinician can help you separate RSD from co-occurring conditions and identify treatment options.
Building Supports That Work With RSD Symptoms
Understanding your specific symptom profile — whether you tend toward inward or outward reactions, whether physical symptoms are prominent, which triggers appear most often — is the first step toward building supports that actually help.
Effective symptom management for RSD isn't about eliminating sensitivity. It's about reducing the consequences of episodes: catching them faster, shortening their duration, reducing post-episode shame, and gradually reducing avoidance behaviors.
Platforms like GetMotivated.ai offer a practical starting point for the avoidance and isolation piece: structured buddy matching connects you with someone who understands the pattern, and group challenge formats normalize the struggle without requiring you to explain RSD from scratch to each new person. For people whose primary symptom is avoidance, accountability structures — not therapy alone — are often what actually move the needle.
The symptom recognition is the beginning, not the end. Knowing what you're dealing with is what lets you choose tools that actually fit.
